It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted due to an influx of work and life circumstances, but I am glad that today I am able to get back on track.
“Asking for help” is one the hardest things for me to do. I’m sure I am in great company with those who often works behind the scenes, picks up the torch without anyone asking us, or leading because we have to not because we wanted to. I’m speaking to the “us’s” in the world (if that’s even a word). Recently, I found myself in a situation where I needed help, but several reasons I hesitated in asking others to help me: pride, vulnerability, perception, and other insecurities that stems from my past relationships.
The Lord convicted me, when I began to blame others who saw the need and did not help. He simply said, “why don’t you ask?” At that moment, I shifted my focus from everyone else and started to look inwardly. It wasn’t that my feelings wasn’t legitimate…they were. But the real issue that trumped my offense, was “what don’t I ask for help?” Like most people, I figured, “if others see an obvious need, why don’t they help?” I realize now that I was taking a passive role in the situation along with the sense of entitlement (which was wrong). In order for me to move forward, I have to start with me – addressing my hang ups – not with others, but within me.
“Asking for help” means I have to admit that I can’t do it all or alone. After evaluating where this weakness stems from, I came to the conclusion that this weakness stems from my past relationships. One relationship in particular, shaped this learned behavior to not ask for help because this person often seemed annoyed or bothered when I rarely asked for help. Then, when they finally did respond to my need, they made it a huge deal. Those moments, made me feel like “I’ was a bother or an inconvenience. It made me feel as though my needs or requests were deemed insignificant, which I transferred inwardly – “I must be insignificant.” #the seed of insecurity
So, overtime I developed a defense mechanism (which I did not realize all this time) to overcome the feeling of rejection or insignificance by doing it all myself and not asking for help. Stretching myself to the max to avoid feeling vulnerable. I’ve rationalized many situations and decided to do things alone by telling myself “by the time I ask someone else to help me I could have done it myself.” Although in some instances this notion is justified, but it still do not give me the license to avoid asking others for help. #the seed of pride
Now, I challenge myself to stretch beyond my pride and insecurities by being transparent when I am in need. This recent situation gave me the opportunity to take a closer look in the mirror. It also allowed me see things from a different perspective about others inability to help – maybe there were competing priorities that played role in their lack of response – which I’ve accepted.